I’ve been seeing this guy who has given me every green flag. No love bombing, very respectful, same values, great career, similar interests, checks in on me, has texted me good morning and good night ever since we met. He’s a man of faith who is only interested in sex within the boundaries of marriage, which is really important to me. We have only seen each other twice, as we both work in education—the last month since we’ve met has been very chaotic for both of us, and we live 45 minutes away from each other. Monday, Memorial Day, we spent the whole day together. It was so fun. So last night I asked him where he saw our relationship going. He responded “I don’t know, to be honest I haven’t really thought about it. What about you?” which hurt my feelings and seemed very avoidant. I told him that I’m only interested in serious relationships, and that I see that in the future with him. He responds “I am glad we are on the same page about this then :)” So. I asked him why he said he “didn’t know,” if he ~did~. He said that he really HADN’T consciously thought about it, but when I asked him, he DID think about it, and now agrees with me. I’m upset, I feel like he’s only given me green lights up until this moment and frankly, that statement feels like a lie. How do you tell a woman “good morning” and “good night” every single day and not ponder where the relationship is going? Did he just want me to answer first? I’m conflicted… because now he DOES say he sees a serious relationship in our future, which is what I want. And in every single thing he’s done aside from this strange interaction, he’s been so wonderful. But this has me confused. Thank you ❤️

My bf has an asian fetish and i am South Indian but he treats me very well and complements me often saying I'm very beautiful and I'm his type because I'm lean and short. Is this a red flag? Is it right for me to expect guys to not look at other girls?

Hey Ma'am! I'm from India. Lots of love <3 Saw your posts and reels and it really helped me elevate my mindset. I just wanna ask about, there this guy who was my ex classmate, we never interacted before but somehow we ended up being online friends. At the beginning he shared some flirty and romantic posts, he showed interest but I wasn't reciprocating. Gradually we talked and I kinda caught feelings for him and now if he sents some flirty posts, I feel more attracted towards him but I don't want to. Cause i feel like he isn't interested, he just wants a girl who behaves like his gf and stays loyal to him but he doesn't want to comit to any relationship. Sometimes he gives a lot of attention Sometimes he just pulls back Its so frustrating 🙁 Ma'am please help me.

You’ve mentioned in your videos you haven’t had to go through bad relationships because you listen to others. How do you internalise the advice that people give you, and actually allow it to influence your actions?

Hi Fumi! I was talking to my now boyfriend for 2-3 months before we became official. I had told him that I wanted to wait that long because I didn’t want to rush into the relationship before getting to know him. We’ve now been officially together for 7 months. When we first started dating I wasn’t living a very good lifestyle, matter of fact when we first met I just wanted to sleep with him. Since then I have started going to church and my whole lifestyle has changed. I don’t party, hangout with the same people, I go to church and make it a priority to read my bible. He enjoys going to church with me and is supportive of it. Right now he is in training for his work across the country, he won’t be done until December and will only be able to come back for weekends and a 2 week leave in the middle. Since I’ve e been going to church again I wanted to be celibate because I felt a conviction about it, I talked to him about it and he was very supportive. The issue that has troubled me is I feel like I’m the leader in the relationship. When he met my parents it was because I brought it up, when I met his parents was because I asked why I hadn’t when he had already met mine, we went to church because I was going. I don’t want to be the leader, I want a man of god who I respect to lead our family in the future. Because I didn’t require that from him from the start do you think at this point he’ll be able to do it on his own? I have been following you for a while and love your content! I think it’s amazing you’re helping young women achieve healthy relationship

Hey Fumi! I've been seeing someone for about 3 months now. Nothing official, just casual dating although we've started having conversations about getting serious. Recently discovered that he's been in a situationship which is long dead since I came into the picture, but they haven't had the conversation yet. He says he's sure he wants to be with me, and he can only do that when he's had the final conversation about the situationship ending. What steps to take?

Hey Fumi! I've been seeing someone for about 3 months now. Nothing official, just casual dating although, we've started having conversations about getting serious. Recently discovered that he's been in a situationship which is long dead since I came into the picture, but they haven't had the conversation yet. He says he's sure he wants to be with me, and he can only do that when he's had the final conversation about the situationship ending. What steps to take?

How do you forgive someone toxic and abusive? How do you start to love yourself? Would you rekindle a “friendship” that triggers you?

Hey, feeling really terrible, I don't believe in cheating, it's against my principles as a person, however, I visited a friend of mine and got into a compromised situation, he offered to eat me out, and I declined, but then I could tell and he too that I actually thought about it, not wanting to do it, but I thought about the offer, it was a weird and really awkward and inappropriate encounter, there was a massage before, I am in a relationship, on third year and nine months when this happened, I didn't think much of it then, told my boyfriend about it, but i feel like I'm not trust worthy as a result of even being in that situation, and I generally feel like a cheater and it has me feeling like I failed myself because cheating is shitty. I don't know the question to ask yet, but I am really struggling with that thought and the part of my standards being breached or broken and I'm having a hard time moving on or even reconciling between those parts of me. There's shame too, coming up, feeling of unworthiness when the subject comes up anywhere even on social, cheating. What do I do?

Hey, feeling really terrible, I don't believe in cheating, it's against my principles as a person, however, I visited a friend of mine and got into a compromised situation, he offered to eat me out, and I declined, but then I could tell and he too that I actually thought about it, not wanting to do it, but I thought about the offer, it was a weird and really awkward and inappropriate encounter, there was a massage before, I am in a relationship, on third year and nine months when this happened, I didn't think much of it then, told my boyfriend about it, but i feel like I'm not trust worthy as a result of even being in that situation, and I generally feel like a cheater and it has me feeling like I failed myself because cheating is shitty. I don't know the question to ask yet, but I am really struggling with that thought and the part of my standards being breached or broken and I'm having a hard time moving on or even reconciling between those parts of me. There's shame too, coming up, feeling of unworthiness when the subject comes up anywhere even on social, cheating. What do I do?

Hey, feeling really terrible, I don't believe in cheating, it's against my principles as a person, however, I visited a friend of mine and got into a compromised situation, he offered to eat me out, and I declined, but then I could tell and he too that I actually thought about it, not wanting to do it, but I thought about the offer, it was a weird and really awkward and inappropriate encounter, there was a massage before, I am in a relationship, on third year and nine months when this happened, I didn't think much of it then, told my boyfriend about it, but i feel like I'm not trust worthy as a result of even being in that situation, and I generally feel like a cheater and it has me feeling like I failed myself because cheating is shitty. I don't know the question to ask yet, but I am really struggling with that thought and the part of my standards being breached or broken and I'm having a hard time moving on or even reconciling between those parts of me. There's shame too, coming up, feeling of unworthiness when the subject comes up anywhere even on social, cheating. What do I do?

I’m 18, I’m very indépendant and not afraid to share what I think and behave the way I see fit. I’m not disrespectful but I was raised by a very strong woman and opinionated father so I know how to defend myself and make my own life satisfactory. I find I’m only being pursued by men in relationships. I’m not moving toward them or showing interest after I discover they have have a partner but they don’t stop after that. I have a hard time trusting men now and anyone who pursues me in fear they will either cheat or end up having a girlfriend.

What do you think about online dating? Do you find any dating apps worthwhile to try?

Hi Fumi, I am in a very loving relationship, my bf is obsessed with me, gives me princess treatment, suddenly he says he wants to try threesomes, wants to become a porn star, stripper, only fans etc(I said to exclude me from threesomes) I got angry, he said it was just a thought and he will not act on it.

I have been dating this guy for about a year. This are serious but he is pretty secretive about some things. The other day I saw him texting a girl. I asked him who it was he said no one it was business and it meant nothing not to worry about it. But I am. I feel bad about myself. Should I just leave? He is open to talk but I hate being intrusive cause he will just shut down. He has issues opening up.

separating from my ex a year ago, i’ve learned to love myself and my spirit. for some reason after i pray & sleep, i see him in my dreams & i just can’t figure out what to do. our relationship wasn’t terrible…i just feel that we weren’t mentally really at the time. what should i do?

Hi Fumi, I've been watching you for awhile. And I recently met someone I am interested in. We had spent a lot of time alone together (nothing sexual) on a vacation we went on with some mutual friends. But we haven't talked much since. We saw each other at another gathering after the vacation and he did put in effort to talk with me and be playful but again, no messages after. Should I assume he has no interest because he hasn't initiated a conversation outside of when we are at the same place?

How to find a boyfriend? Dating apps? Talking up strangers? SOS!

Good morning I would like your opinion. I hope you can help me. I want to have a baby with some one but he it's no my boyfriend I'm turning 37 next month I love him deeply but he don't want a relationship. Also there is another person that wants to have a baby with me ...but I don't love him....my question it's would you choose having a baby with some one you love even if it's probably no future with that person . Or would you chosse having a baby with some one you are no in love but will be involve in all areas of his future life.

How to I softly decline a guy who is seeking my attention via dm’s

Hi do you have any videos or advice on how you lay your wigs? It looks so natural and beautiful and I am at a lost. Thankyou!

Dear Fumi, When I meet a guy (a colleague for example) and want to kind of develop friendship with him first or it naturally develops first for whatever reason, how and when do I know if this friendship has a relationship potential or it has a potential to become a friendzone, in order not to get invested or romantisize things in my head too soon?

Okay so my coworker recently started hitting on me and omfg is he attractive...but we live in separate states. I'm not flying out but he wants to come here. I'm also not available for anything emotional or physical honestly because I got out of an intense trauma bond in November and I'm still trying to heal. He is the first guy that has hit on me and he is attempting to pursue heavily. I love the fucking attention but I know this isn't right for right now. Maybe in the future? But please tell me how to distract myself because girl I am struggling to resist.

Hi Fumi, thanks for doing this. I value your perspective❤️ I dated this guy for 2 years, we stayed in the same city for one, then LDR for the other one. The major issue in the relationship was conflict resolution, it was always an emotional rollercoaster. We intended on getting married so we started taking pre-marital classes. I was honestly transformed by the teachings cos I could see my wrongs and the things I need to start doing in other to be a good wife to him. Long story cut short, He broke up with me after the counseling and not one of his friends or his family members that stay in the same city with me, reached out to me even tho they were all aware of how invested we were. It's been a few months now and I'm trying to heal, but I can't shake the fact that he probably met someone new abroad and decided to cut me loose now that he's away from me. Plus his family/friends that I was extremely involved with, not saying a word to me but taking the back door hurts a bit more. How can I let go of all this hurt and betrayal and move on? Was he just pretending to love me when we were together? Was it all a lie? Thank you.

Hello Fumi, I have been dating a guy since 2019(Long Distance). He is an extreme introvert,only talks to me, doesn't follow half naked women on Instagram, he listens to me , he does everything but the only problem is he is emotionally unavailable, not a problem solver. I be crying my heart out and ask him to talk but he doesn't give a fuck. I have been asking him to save the relationship and solve our problems for 3 years and he seems to be ignorant. I don't know what to do:( He says he loves me(Everyday)but whenever I try to bring a conversation which is hurting me in the relationship he becomes silent. So, I asked him about this and he said I'm not like others I don't know how to solve these things but I promise to make you feel safe and happy whenever I'm with you. He asked me to question if I ever feel this way after we started living together. He came from a dysfunctional family where there parents are so much controlling. I don't know what to do I'm stuck. I gave him three years to change, but I don't feel like waiting anymore... Help me out plsssss

Would you date a guy who takes a long time to ask you out (if you met him under non-romantic pretenses like through mutual friends or you’re in the same club or something)? I tend to hold it against them, am I wrong?

Dear Fumi I am married to a wonderful guy, but he does not pay enough attention to me. We got together in college and we have had an amazing life together. But I feel like he could do much more in terms of being emotionally supportive, understanding, empathetic etc. He would rather stare at his phone (on SM) than engage in conversation with me. I don’t nag, I just need him to be present, because it happens all the time. Not sure if I’m the one expecting too much, but that’s pretty much it. We go 50:50 shares expenses and I pay for my own expenses. I feel unloved, so I have brought it up kindly on multiple occasions but yet to see a change. How do I figure this out?

I have a habit to wait way too long to act on my crushes, by the time I do I’m in too deep. I also rarely find anyone attractive. I think that’s why I find it intimidating and go way too long without dating. How can I put myself out there for “practice” or to not get so caught up on the guys I do like by remembering that there are more possibilities? How do I shift my mindset to be more abundant?

I have an unrelated question. I grew up in a religious and loving family, and we uphold the standards of no dating around till considering marriage/ready for a serious relationship. I've branched really well into my interests, hobbies, and career over time. And I've never dated. I didn't really interact much with guys growing up either (I've just never felt the urge to. My female friendships were very fulfilling) but I'm starting to feel ready, and I'm afraid when I do start dating, it's gonna end up badly and I'm gonna lowball it. Do you have a series of posts explaining how to introduce yourself to the dating world? For beginners? Very inexperienced, very new beginners. And what to strengthen in yourself when dealing with typical characteristics + what to possibly expect? Coaching isn't something I want to invest in yet and I wanted to ask if you catered to the demographic I mentioned above (if so, can you link example blogs, and posts ?).

Hey Fumi, I watched your video on waiting for men who have character and I completely agree. I wanted your input on a particular scenario. If a man is consistently having hookups (at least once every other week) when he is not in a relationship, is that a sign of a man who lacks character and self respect?

Dear Fumi, I watch your videos all the time, and I’m probably what you would call “lop-sided.” I’m a WoC and due to cultural reasons and background, I spent the majority of my life focusing on academics and career. I’ve had very few serious relationships (age 27, 2 boyfriends, been celibate with exception of one boyfriend). Because my relationships are so few and far between, it takes a lot for me to allow someone into my life, but once I do, I seem to get emotionally invested easily. How do I establish boundaries to prevent myself from getting too attached to men, particularly those that don’t respect me or commit to me the way I need? I’ve tried dating with friendship in mind, but it feels like my last SO becomes my standard to beat because it takes me forever to fall out of love with them/emotionally detach. Any advice on how to be open, but also respect myself and stand on my standards “with ten toes”? Thanks in advance, you’re amazing.

Hi Fumi! Firstly, it is so refreshing to watch and hear your content, especially as a fellow Christian Black woman. I’ve seen you mention before some of the opposition you receive due to your values (from both men and women) especially as an advocate for women to raise their standards when dating. As someone who is currently on a spiritual journey and has the same womanist-based values, what is one piece of advice that I can receive to stay true to myself?

You’ve mentioned that you’ve dated casually while celibate. How do I say that to a guy? “I’m not looking for anything serious but I am also not looking for hookups”? I want to be taken out—wine, dined, pursued

Dear Fumi, I have no idea how to happily combine having a demanding corporate job and dating, let alone creating a family. Oftentimes I have neither time nor energy to even go on a date or meet with a friend. But I want to create a family one day. But I also need to be financially secure and it feels like in this economy we can’t provide for ourselves with just casual not-so-demanding jobs anymore. It’s not that I don’t see any examples of women who are both “girl-bossing” in a corporate world and have a family. It’s just that these women I see are always either rushing somewhere or tired instead of being present, relaxed and feminine. What do I do?

Hey big sis, What is your advice on holding standards and keeping faith when the statistics aren't in your favour? For context: I'm a newly qualified lawyer who has just returned home. After close to a decade of navigating singleness, celibacy (bar, a year-long bout of unsuccessful dating and hooking up) and healing, I finally feel grounded and prepared to commit to a relationship leading to marriage. The issue I face is that I live in a small-ish Third World country, and I have always been told that finding a man of the caliber that I pray for is only possible if I move back overseas. The rationale is that all the well-educated, kind and attractive men from my country have emigrated. The men that I have spoken to, have told me that my achievements are intimidating and that they "don't feel good enough for [me]." I don't feel that I have to change continents to find the right partner; however, the lack of prospects is gradually eroding my hope. Please advise, sis. I gratefully await your response.

Dear Fumi, Do you believe it is alright for your partner to go out and have dinner/drinks with a girlfriend?

Any advice for a 23 yr old who absolutely hates her job and doesn't see a way out? I've had a couple corporate jobs now and I've just hated them. I eventually want to get my masters and go into another field but for now I feel so stuck working 40+ hours a week at a soulless place wasting my life lol

Hi Fumi, I love your page and the advice you give as it makes me realise my power and control. I'm 22 and I'm just finding it hard to establish a connection with people that fall between friendship and relationship status and this is really affecting my mood. In my most recent situation, I found myself connecting deeply and romantically with a like-minded person mostly through conversations, sexual encounters, and what I thought was a healthy relationship with loads of communication. We initially agreed that we weren't ready for a relationship and later agreed that we should focus on friendship but following another sexual interaction, I communicated that I needed some distance because the constant on-and-off felt like constant rejection and was beginning to affect my mental health. I thought that this would help preserve any opportunity for a platonic relationship between us but he reacted by blocking me and avoiding me in person. What do you think of this? What do I do in this situation and how do I avoid it next time?

I am 23 years old and been into relationships were I lost myself my self worth I always fall for words and instant connection makes my expectations go very high I am a hopeless romantic which makes me feel like I love to deeply and men take me for granted I don’t wanna hope for finding my soulmate anymore but how to remove that hope or be practical enough to raise my standards

Dear Funmi, There’s a guy in my life who seems to really like and pursue me. However, I’m not attracted to him (and by attraction, I don’t only mean physically. He just doesn’t inspire any form of like beyond friendship from me. I feel “meh” about him). I’m worried I’ll shortchange myself by giving him space because we like people who like us. I want to hold off and meet other people and strive for a relationship where we are both passionate about each other. I also feel it’s probably immature not to let love “grow”. Please, what do you think? Do I settle for someone who seems crazy about me and will treat me well, or wait? Thank you

Been together for 8 years. Hes amazing and treats me great. Always makes me a priority and hes commited to me. Im nearly 30 and hes 28, I want to get engaged now, he wants to get married too but maybe getting engaged already is a little too soon for him since hes younger.. i have pressured him (i told him i want to get engaged soon) and it seems hes planning on it but now i feel bad for nagging him and not waiting for him to do it on his own. Help please

Firstly, I love you! Secondly, please may you touch on singleness more. Thank you for the reminders to be honest about our desire for romantic love, but what else can us single ladies do to enjoy instead of be so despondent during this era. For me personally, I've just never really had a serious relationship, how do I enjoy my life and not get so caught up in the "I'll never find love, just like I've never truly had an amazing romantic love experience." The girl is really struggling Fumz, please share whatever you think might help me get out of this funk, and continue to not settle, but to do so joyfully.

Dear Funmi, This is not a question, and I hope I don’t waste your time, seeing as you definitely receive these a lot. I just want to say that I am so thankful I stumbled upon your page. I didn’t believe that the fulfilment of another’s calling could hinge upon the fulfillment of ours until I met you. I can say that I will become what I need to be because of you, among other influences. Hearing and witnessing you gave me the courage to walk away from a relationship and other situations that did not serve me. Thank you so much for your impact, and God bless you!

What are your thoughts on going through your boyfriend's phone even if you don’t have reason to believe he’s cheating? I’ve seen women say they saw 0 red flags for years then went through the phone and he was cheating the whole time.

What to do if the guy your dating is a HVM but he isn’t very attractive ? He is a skinny guy . should I mention it so he can change something about it or would it be offensive to him?