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Answers So Far..
Anonymousasked:
on May 31, 2023 8:22 pm
I’ve been seeing this guy who has given me every green flag. No love bombing, very respectful, same values, great career, similar interests, checks in on me, has texted me good morning and good night ever since we met. He’s a man of faith who is only interested in sex within the boundaries of marriage, which is really important to me. We have only seen each other twice, as we both work in education—the last month since we’ve met has been very chaotic for both of us, and we live 45 minutes away from each other.
Monday, Memorial Day, we spent the whole day together. It was so fun. So last night I asked him where he saw our relationship going. He responded “I don’t know, to be honest I haven’t really thought about it. What about you?” which hurt my feelings and seemed very avoidant. I told him that I’m only interested in serious relationships, and that I see that in the future with him. He responds “I am glad we are on the same page about this then :)”
So. I asked him why he said he “didn’t know,” if he ~did~. He said that he really HADN’T consciously thought about it, but when I asked him, he DID think about it, and now agrees with me.
I’m upset, I feel like he’s only given me green lights up until this moment and frankly, that statement feels like a lie. How do you tell a woman “good morning” and “good night” every single day and not ponder where the relationship is going? Did he just want me to answer first? I’m conflicted… because now he DOES say he sees a serious relationship in our future, which is what I want. And in every single thing he’s done aside from this strange interaction, he’s been so wonderful. But this has me confused.
Thank you ❤️
Anonymousasked:
on May 26, 2023 3:31 am
I have two questions. How can I prepare of the Lstats? Two, I think you are brilliant and beautiful Nigerian Queen, will you grace me with a chance to get 15 minutes of your time?
Anonymousasked:
on May 20, 2023 12:32 pm
My bf has an asian fetish and i am South Indian but he treats me very well and complements me often saying I'm very beautiful and I'm his type because I'm lean and short. Is this a red flag? Is it right for me to expect guys to not look at other girls?
Anonymousasked:
on May 19, 2023 2:01 pm
Fumi, what does your spiritual journey look like? What would you advise others to do along their own journey? I’ve come to a point in my life where I feel like I need to prioritize spiritual growth, and I try to do that through journaling, meditation, and mindfulness of my health and education, but sometimes I wonder if there aren’t other things I could be doing
Anonymousasked:
on May 18, 2023 10:05 am
Hey Ma'am! I'm from India. Lots of love <3
Saw your posts and reels and it really helped me elevate my mindset.
I just wanna ask about, there this guy who was my ex classmate, we never interacted before but somehow we ended up being online friends. At the beginning he shared some flirty and romantic posts, he showed interest but I wasn't reciprocating. Gradually we talked and I kinda caught feelings for him and now if he sents some flirty posts, I feel more attracted towards him but I don't want to. Cause i feel like he isn't interested, he just wants a girl who behaves like his gf and stays loyal to him but he doesn't want to comit to any relationship.
Sometimes he gives a lot of attention Sometimes he just pulls back
Its so frustrating 🙁
Ma'am please help me.
Anonymousasked:
on May 17, 2023 11:15 am
How can I get over the uneasy feeling I get whenever I come across the accounts of the girl he cheated on me with?
Anonymousasked:
on May 17, 2023 8:16 am
You’ve mentioned in your videos you haven’t had to go through bad relationships because you listen to others. How do you internalise the advice that people give you, and actually allow it to influence your actions?
Anonymousasked:
on May 12, 2023 1:44 am
I proposed one of my long time friend 1 year ago also stating why I like him. He rejects me then I with a heavy heart move on but stay friends with him because he said he didn't want to lose me as a friend. After 1 and half years he comes and asks if I am still into him. I got a weird feeling and wanted to say no but my inner feelings towards him made me say yes. Now he doesn't want any relationship because he wants to focus on the career. Although we became physical.
Anonymousasked:
on May 10, 2023 7:45 pm
Hi Fumi! I was talking to my now boyfriend for 2-3 months before we became official. I had told him that I wanted to wait that long because I didn’t want to rush into the relationship before getting to know him. We’ve now been officially together for 7 months. When we first started dating I wasn’t living a very good lifestyle, matter of fact when we first met I just wanted to sleep with him. Since then I have started going to church and my whole lifestyle has changed. I don’t party, hangout with the same people, I go to church and make it a priority to read my bible. He enjoys going to church with me and is supportive of it. Right now he is in training for his work across the country, he won’t be done until December and will only be able to come back for weekends and a 2 week leave in the middle. Since I’ve e been going to church again I wanted to be celibate because I felt a conviction about it, I talked to him about it and he was very supportive. The issue that has troubled me is I feel like I’m the leader in the relationship. When he met my parents it was because I brought it up, when I met his parents was because I asked why I hadn’t when he had already met mine, we went to church because I was going. I don’t want to be the leader, I want a man of god who I respect to lead our family in the future. Because I didn’t require that from him from the start do you think at this point he’ll be able to do it on his own? I have been following you for a while and love your content! I think it’s amazing you’re helping young women achieve healthy relationship
Anonymousasked:
on May 10, 2023 3:50 pm
Hi Fumi! No questions, I just wanted to say thank you. I've been following your advice for awhile and now I'm seeing someone who has consistently put in effort and been emotionally vulnerable with me. He's very sweet and tries to spoil me which I'm grateful for and I wouldn't have met him had I not heeded your advice. So thank you.
Anonymousasked:
on May 9, 2023 1:09 am
Hey Fumi! I've been seeing someone for about 3 months now. Nothing official, just casual dating although we've started having conversations about getting serious. Recently discovered that he's been in a situationship which is long dead since I came into the picture, but they haven't had the conversation yet. He says he's sure he wants to be with me, and he can only do that when he's had the final conversation about the situationship ending. What steps to take?
Anonymousasked:
on May 9, 2023 1:08 am
Hey Fumi! I've been seeing someone for about 3 months now. Nothing official, just casual dating although, we've started having conversations about getting serious. Recently discovered that he's been in a situationship which is long dead since I came into the picture, but they haven't had the conversation yet. He says he's sure he wants to be with me, and he can only do that when he's had the final conversation about the situationship ending. What steps to take?
Anonymousasked:
on May 9, 2023 1:08 am
Hey Fumi! I've been seeing someone for about 3 months now. Nothing official, just casual dating although, we've started having conversations about getting serious. Recently discovered that he's been in a situationship which is long dead since I came into the picture, but they haven't had the conversation yet. He says he's sure he wants to be with me, and he can only do that when he's had the final conversation about the situationship ending. What steps to take?
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 11:24 pm
Hey Fumi!
I’ve just come out of a long term relationship , I was suffering emotionally but it took me 3 years to get out. I now notice that I feel the need to have someone in order to feel complete.
I know I’m a good looking girl, so yes I tend to get quite a bit of attention here and there and using that attention to find fulfillment within myself and in day to day life .
I’ve been in relationships since middle school, motivation not being anything sexual (celibate) but just to feel complete.
I know realize it’s low self esteem that has been manifesting my need to have someone and downplayed over the years.
How do I heal and grow from this? What steps should I take?
Thank you❤️
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 10:21 pm
How do you forgive someone toxic and abusive? How do you start to love yourself? Would you rekindle a “friendship” that triggers you?
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 10:19 pm
My husband has a porn addiction that I found out about 6 months after we got married. He’s had it for decades and after some fights I finally confronted him in a calm way. He was more responsive to that approach and deleted all his subscriptions to sites. It took 9 months for him to do this. He admits to still watching porn but he says “I’m improving”. He won’t tell me how much and won’t communicate it with me. He’s been treating me better and I believe he’s improving but idk to what degree. Sometimes I feel like I should leave him but sometimes I feel like I should be patient and work with him since he’s had this problem far before me. We’ve been together 7 years. Married one. He doesn’t want to go to therapy out of shame and fear it will destroy his reputation. He won’t install adult site blockers. I’m not sure what to do. We’ve had a great sex life until a year (ish) ago due to us both having busy schedules where I leave town a lot and added stress. I attempted to have sex but he’s been so busy w work (legitimately). What do I do about our marriage?
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 5:49 pm
Hey, feeling really terrible, I don't believe in cheating, it's against my principles as a person, however, I visited a friend of mine and got into a compromised situation, he offered to eat me out, and I declined, but then I could tell and he too that I actually thought about it, not wanting to do it, but I thought about the offer, it was a weird and really awkward and inappropriate encounter, there was a massage before, I am in a relationship, on third year and nine months when this happened, I didn't think much of it then, told my boyfriend about it, but i feel like I'm not trust worthy as a result of even being in that situation, and I generally feel like a cheater and it has me feeling like I failed myself because cheating is shitty. I don't know the question to ask yet, but I am really struggling with that thought and the part of my standards being breached or broken and I'm having a hard time moving on or even reconciling between those parts of me. There's shame too, coming up, feeling of unworthiness when the subject comes up anywhere even on social, cheating. What do I do?
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 5:49 pm
Your Questions
Hey, feeling really terrible, I don't believe in cheating, it's against my principles as a person, however, I visited a friend of mine and got into a compromised situation, he offered to eat me out, and I declined, but then I could tell and he too that I actually thought about it, not wanting to do it, but I thought about the offer, it was a weird and really awkward and inappropriate encounter, there was a massage before, I am in a relationship, on third year and nine months when this happened, I didn't think much of it then, told my boyfriend about it, but i feel like I'm not trust worthy as a result of even being in that situation, and I generally feel like a cheater and it has me feeling like I failed myself because cheating is shitty. I don't know the question to ask yet, but I am really struggling with that thought and the part of my standards being breached or broken and I'm having a hard time moving on or even reconciling between those parts of me. There's shame too, coming up, feeling of unworthiness when the subject comes up anywhere even on social, cheating. What do I do?
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 5:48 pm
Hey, feeling really terrible, I don't believe in cheating, it's against my principles as a person, however, I visited a friend of mine and got into a compromised situation, he offered to eat me out, and I declined, but then I could tell and he too that I actually thought about it, not wanting to do it, but I thought about the offer, it was a weird and really awkward and inappropriate encounter, there was a massage before, I am in a relationship, on third year and nine months when this happened, I didn't think much of it then, told my boyfriend about it, but i feel like I'm not trust worthy as a result of even being in that situation, and I generally feel like a cheater and it has me feeling like I failed myself because cheating is shitty. I don't know the question to ask yet, but I am really struggling with that thought and the part of my standards being breached or broken and I'm having a hard time moving on or even reconciling between those parts of me. There's shame too, coming up, feeling of unworthiness when the subject comes up anywhere even on social, cheating. What do I do?
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 5:46 pm
Hey, feeling really terrible, I don't believe in cheating, it's against my principles as a person, however, I visited a friend of mine and got into a compromised situation, he offered to eat me out, and I declined, but then I could tell and he too that I actually thought about it, not wanting to do it, but I thought about the offer, it was a weird and really awkward and inappropriate encounter, there was a massage before, I am in a relationship, on third year and nine months when this happened, I didn't think much of it then, told my boyfriend about it, but i feel like I'm not trust worthy as a result of even being in that situation, and I generally feel like a cheater and it has me feeling like I failed myself because cheating is shitty. I don't know the question to ask yet, but I am really struggling with that thought and the part of my standards being breached or broken and I'm having a hard time moving on or even reconciling between those parts of me. There's shame too, coming up, feeling of unworthiness when the subject comes up anywhere even on social, cheating. What do I do?
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 5:45 pm
Hey, feeling really terrible, I don't believe in cheating, it's against my principles as a person, however, I visited a friend of mine and got into a compromised situation, he offered to eat me out, and I declined, but then I could tell and he too that I actually thought about it, not wanting to do it, but I thought about the offer, it was a weird and really awkward and inappropriate encounter, there was a massage before, I am in a relationship, on third year and nine months when this happened, I didn't think much of it then, told my boyfriend about it, but i feel like I'm not trust worthy as a result of even being in that situation, and I generally feel like a cheater and it has me feeling like I failed myself because cheating is shitty. I don't know the question to ask yet, but I am really struggling with that thought and the part of my standards being breached or broken and I'm having a hard time moving on or even reconciling between those parts of me. There's shame too, coming up, feeling of unworthiness when the subject comes up anywhere even on social, cheating. What do I do?
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 5:45 pm
Hey, feeling really terrible, I don't believe in cheating, it's against my principles as a person, however, I visited a friend of mine and got into a compromised situation, he offered to eat me out, and I declined, but then I could tell and he too that I actually thought about it, not wanting to do it, but I thought about the offer, it was a weird and really awkward and inappropriate encounter, there was a massage before, I am in a relationship, on third year and nine months when this happened, I didn't think much of it then, told my boyfriend about it, but i feel like I'm not trust worthy as a result of even being in that situation, and I generally feel like a cheater and it has me feeling like I failed myself because cheating is shitty. I don't know the question to ask yet, but I am really struggling with that thought and the part of my standards being breached or broken and I'm having a hard time moving on or even reconciling between those parts of me. There's shame too, coming up, feeling of unworthiness when the subject comes up anywhere even on social, cheating. What do I do?
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 2:00 pm
I’m 18, I’m very indépendant and not afraid to share what I think and behave the way I see fit. I’m not disrespectful but I was raised by a very strong woman and opinionated father so I know how to defend myself and make my own life satisfactory. I find I’m only being pursued by men in relationships. I’m not moving toward them or showing interest after I discover they have have a partner but they don’t stop after that. I have a hard time trusting men now and anyone who pursues me in fear they will either cheat or end up having a girlfriend.
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 1:56 pm
Have you ever acted out of character & told a guy you liked him & initiated talking to him repeatedly yourself?
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 12:44 pm
What do you think about online dating? Do you find any dating apps worthwhile to try?
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 11:50 am
How do you deal with Envy as a Christian and you know you do not want to feel that way
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 11:40 am
Hi Fumi, I am in a very loving relationship, my bf is obsessed with me, gives me princess treatment, suddenly he says he wants to try threesomes, wants to become a porn star, stripper, only fans etc(I said to exclude me from threesomes)
I got angry, he said it was just a thought and he will not act on it.
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 11:33 am
Hi Fumi, I am in a really loving relationship, my bf is obsessed with me, out of no where he says that he wants to try threesomes, i said not to include me into this, i got angry and then he apologies that he was just going through a tough time and had a thought about threesome, being a pornstar, making only fans etc.
Anonymousasked:
on May 8, 2023 11:04 am
I have been dating this guy for about a year. This are serious but he is pretty secretive about some things. The other day I saw him texting a girl. I asked him who it was he said no one it was business and it meant nothing not to worry about it. But I am. I feel bad about myself. Should I just leave? He is open to talk but I hate being intrusive cause he will just shut down. He has issues opening up.
Anonymousasked:
on May 7, 2023 8:26 pm
Dear Fumi, what would your advice be on overcoming the hurt caused by a friend's betrayal? (A betrayal that came from both your best friend and your boyfriend).
Thanks
Anonymousasked:
on May 4, 2023 1:18 pm
separating from my ex a year ago, i’ve learned to love myself and my spirit. for some reason after i pray & sleep, i see him in my dreams & i just can’t figure out what to do. our relationship wasn’t terrible…i just feel that we weren’t mentally really at the time. what should i do?
Anonymousasked:
on May 2, 2023 11:13 pm
Hi Fumi, I've been watching you for awhile. And I recently met someone I am interested in. We had spent a lot of time alone together (nothing sexual) on a vacation we went on with some mutual friends. But we haven't talked much since. We saw each other at another gathering after the vacation and he did put in effort to talk with me and be playful but again, no messages after. Should I assume he has no interest because he hasn't initiated a conversation outside of when we are at the same place?
Anonymousasked:
on May 2, 2023 11:11 pm
Hi Fumi, I've been watching you for awhile. And I recently met someone I am interested in. We had spent a lot of time alone together (nothing sexual) on a vacation we went on with some mutual friends. But we haven't talked much since. We saw each other at another gathering after the vacation and he did put in effort to talk with me and be playful but again, no messages after. Should I assume he has no interest because he hasn't initiated a conversation outside of when we are at the same place?
Anonymousasked:
on May 2, 2023 11:06 am
Scared to be celibate with a guy I’m newly seeing because what if he leaves as soon as I am intimate with him after I already like him too much? Isn’t it better to be intimate with him sooner and if he leaves then, I didn’t waste as much of my time?
Fumireplied:
on May 3, 2023 12:42 pm
This is a lose-lose mentality that is not at all helpful, and will likely keep you on a cycle of unfulfilling relationships. If you are deciding to break celibacy with someone, you ideally should have taken time to decide what standards need to be met in order to do so before you start dating. This is why intentional singleness is so important.
If you did not do that, then the next best thing is to take time to think about that now: ask yourself, "what would it take for me to make the decision to break celibacy, with no regrets?" And when thinking about this, consider the worst case scenarios--everything ranging from getting ghosted, to even worse. Because if you make the decision to be intimate with this guy, no matter when you do it, you need to own that choice--the narrative cannot be that he used or deceived you if things do not pan out. So while you are deciding the standards that must be met, make sure that you completely factor out fear of losing him, what he thinks, or how he will feel about having to wait to be intimate. Make sure the decision is 100% based on you.
Anonymousasked:
on May 2, 2023 11:01 am
How to find a boyfriend? Dating apps? Talking up strangers? SOS!
Fumireplied:
on May 3, 2023 12:44 pm
Focus on finding yourself, and the reason that you exist. All the best relationships start from a sound awareness of both.
Anonymousasked:
on April 30, 2023 2:47 pm
Good morning I would like your opinion. I hope you can help me.
I want to have a baby with some one but he it's no my boyfriend I'm turning 37 next month I love him deeply but he don't want a relationship. Also there is another person that wants to have a baby with me ...but I don't love him....my question it's would you choose having a baby with some one you love even if it's probably no future with that person . Or would you chosse having a baby with some one you are no in love but will be involve in all areas of his future life.
Fumireplied:
on May 3, 2023 12:46 pm
I think you should prioritize the one person who has no say or choice in the matter, and that is your baby. That baby deserves two parents who love and will be there for him or her. I promise you that if you choose to have a baby with a man who does not even want to commit to a relationship with you, you are setting yourself up for at least 18 years of heartache and frustration and introducing that baby to suboptimal conditions that were in your power to prevent.
Anonymousasked:
on April 30, 2023 2:47 pm
Good morning I would like your opinion. I hope you can help me.
I want to have a baby with some one but he it's no my boyfriend I'm turning 37 next month I love him deeply but he don't want a relationship. Also there is another person that wants to have a baby with me ...but I don't love him....my question it's would you choose having a baby with some one you love even if it's probably no future with that person . Or would you chosse having a baby with some one you are no in love but will be involve in all areas of his future life.
Anonymousasked:
on April 24, 2023 3:59 am
Dear Fumi,
In one of your videos you touched on the topic of how sometimes girls who put all their time and effort into achieving academic and career heights lack practice in talking to men, especially the ones they find attractive, and you told that it’s important to put yourself out there and develop that skill of communication. It sounds like I reasonable advice and I’d like to follow it, but I don’t know how. It would mean a lot to me to hear from you some practical tips about how and where to meet potentially good men if my work environment isn’t the place to do it. Thank you
Anonymousasked:
on April 20, 2023 11:01 pm
How to I softly decline a guy who is seeking my attention via dm’s
Fumireplied:
on May 3, 2023 12:46 pm
Ignore
Anonymousasked:
on April 20, 2023 11:10 am
I’ve been seeing this guy for 8 months. At the beginning everything was great and we dated for about 3 weeks before he ended it and told me ‘I can’t do the things I want to do if I’m with you…I just can’t handle you right now.’ However, he didn’t end the relationship-like part. Still takes me out, buys me things, cooks for me, spends the night and lets me come over too, but then jokes that I’m using him as a sugar daddy. Literally nothing changed except that now there is no title for my situation and if I show any form of affection to him in public or around his friends he acts like I’m being weird, when maybe five minutes earlier he was being affectionate and sweet and telling me he loves me. This has been going on for about 6 of the last eight months. At this point, I don’t want a relationship, but I don’t want to be in this. This has been going on for so long I don’t know how to walk away at this point, we get on really well but the public eye isn’t allowed to see apparently. How do I leave?
Anonymousasked:
on April 14, 2023 8:11 pm
Hi do you have any videos or advice on how you lay your wigs? It looks so natural and beautiful and I am at a lost.
Thankyou!
Anonymousasked:
on April 14, 2023 9:30 am
Do you believe in right person wrong time?
Fumireplied:
on May 3, 2023 12:49 pm
I believe that the right person comes at the right time. Right person wrong time is usually just someone meant to show you what is possible once you have done the work to lay a foundation for you and the right person to build upon when the time comes.
Anonymousasked:
on April 13, 2023 4:08 pm
Dear Fumi,
When I meet a guy (a colleague for example) and want to kind of develop friendship with him first or it naturally develops first for whatever reason, how and when do I know if this friendship has a relationship potential or it has a potential to become a friendzone, in order not to get invested or romantisize things in my head too soon?
Anonymousasked:
on April 13, 2023 11:18 am
I’m 20, Is being single for almost 3 years too long? Currently I am spending time on myself and bettering myself yet friends around me are getting into relationships and there is no sign of it
Coming for me. What can I do?
Anonymousasked:
on April 13, 2023 8:58 am
Okay so my coworker recently started hitting on me and omfg is he attractive...but we live in separate states. I'm not flying out but he wants to come here. I'm also not available for anything emotional or physical honestly because I got out of an intense trauma bond in November and I'm still trying to heal. He is the first guy that has hit on me and he is attempting to pursue heavily. I love the fucking attention but I know this isn't right for right now. Maybe in the future? But please tell me how to distract myself because girl I am struggling to resist.
Anonymousasked:
on April 13, 2023 8:38 am
Maybe you would like to address/ comment on the following. Not always but quite often when I meet a handsome guy and we start having a connection, there’s another girl so called „best buddy” around. She’s obviously interested/ in love with him yet being physically unattractive she’s playing the bestie. The problem is when I start to hang out with someone I can’t really stand the thought that there’s a third person in the equasion… I want to protect my privacy and intimacy with the guy I just met. Oftentimes the buddy-girl insists on getting all the details from the very begginning on (sometimes incl. screen shots and pictures…) she feels entitled to give advices and at the end, when it all hits the toxic level and I don’t wanna tolerate it anymore she feels like she needs to intervene and explain me all the aspects of her best friend (the guy I’m dating) leading to the fact that I get out of this triangle. Do we have to throw the whole man away when he has a girl-bff?
Anonymousasked:
on April 13, 2023 4:31 am
Hi Fumi, thanks for doing this. I value your perspective❤️
I dated this guy for 2 years, we stayed in the same city for one, then LDR for the other one. The major issue in the relationship was conflict resolution, it was always an emotional rollercoaster.
We intended on getting married so we started taking pre-marital classes. I was honestly transformed by the teachings cos I could see my wrongs and the things I need to start doing in other to be a good wife to him.
Long story cut short, He broke up with me after the counseling and not one of his friends or his family members that stay in the same city with me, reached out to me even tho they were all aware of how invested we were.
It's been a few months now and I'm trying to heal, but I can't shake the fact that he probably met someone new abroad and decided to cut me loose now that he's away from me. Plus his family/friends that I was extremely involved with, not saying a word to me but taking the back door hurts a bit more.
How can I let go of all this hurt and betrayal and move on? Was he just pretending to love me when we were together? Was it all a lie?
Thank you.
Anonymousasked:
on April 13, 2023 4:29 am
Hi Fumi, thanks for doing this. I value your perspective❤️
I dated this guy for 2 years, we stayed in the same city for one, then LDR for the other one. The major issue in the relationship was conflict resolution, it was always an emotional rollercoaster.
We intended on getting married so we started taking pre-marital classes. I was honestly transformed by the teachings cos I could see my wrongs and the things I need to start doing in other to be a good wife to him.
Long story cut short, He broke up with me after the counseling and not one of his friends or his family members that stay in the same city with me, reached out to me even tho they were all aware of how invested we were.
It's been a few months now and I'm trying to heal, but I can't shake the fact that he probably met someone new abroad and decided to cut me loose now that he's away from me. Plus his family/friends that I was extremely involved with, not saying a word to me but taking the back door hurts a bit more.
How can I let go of all this hurt and betrayal and move on?
Thank you.
Anonymousasked:
on April 13, 2023 1:54 am
Hello Fumi, I have been dating a guy since 2019(Long Distance). He is an extreme introvert,only talks to me, doesn't follow half naked women on Instagram, he listens to me , he does everything but the only problem is he is emotionally unavailable, not a problem solver. I be crying my heart out and ask him to talk but he doesn't give a fuck. I have been asking him to save the relationship and solve our problems for 3 years and he seems to be ignorant. I don't know what to do:( He says he loves me(Everyday)but whenever I try to bring a conversation which is hurting me in the relationship he becomes silent. So, I asked him about this and he said I'm not like others I don't know how to solve these things but I promise to make you feel safe and happy whenever I'm with you. He asked me to question if I ever feel this way after we started living together. He came from a dysfunctional family where there parents are so much controlling. I don't know what to do I'm stuck. I gave him three years to change, but I don't feel like waiting anymore... Help me out plsssss
Anonymousasked:
on April 13, 2023 1:53 am
Hello Fumi, I have been dating a guy since 2019(Long Distance). He is an extreme introvert,only talks to me, doesn't follow half naked women on Instagram, he listens to me , he does everything but the only problem is he is emotionally unavailable, not a problem solver. I be crying my heart out and ask him to talk but he doesn't give a fuck. I have been asking him to save the relationship and solve our problems for 3 years and he seems to be ignorant. I don't know what to do:( He says he loves me(Everyday)but whenever I try to bring a conversation which is hurting me in the relationship he becomes silent. So, I asked him about this and he said I'm not like others I don't know how to solve these things but I promise to make you feel safe and happy whenever I'm with you. He asked me to question if I ever feel this way after we started living together. He came from a dysfunctional family where there parents are so much controlling. I don't know what to do I'm stuck. I gave him three years to change, but I don't feel like waiting anymore... Help me out plsssss
Anonymousasked:
on April 13, 2023 12:15 am
Would you date a guy who takes a long time to ask you out (if you met him under non-romantic pretenses like through mutual friends or you’re in the same club or something)? I tend to hold it against them, am I wrong?
Anonymousasked:
on April 12, 2023 8:22 pm
Dear Fumi, when it comes to women who didn't grow up with their fathers, what would your description of unconditional love be? What are they to look for in the dating scene that is a representation of that unconditional love?
Anonymousasked:
on April 12, 2023 7:49 pm
Dear Fumi
I am married to a wonderful guy, but he does not pay enough attention to me. We got together in college and we have had an amazing life together. But I feel like he could do much more in terms of being emotionally supportive, understanding, empathetic etc. He would rather stare at his phone (on SM) than engage in conversation with me. I don’t nag, I just need him to be present, because it happens all the time. Not sure if I’m the one expecting too much, but that’s pretty much it. We go 50:50 shares expenses and I pay for my own expenses. I feel unloved, so I have brought it up kindly on multiple occasions but yet to see a change. How do I figure this out?
Anonymousasked:
on April 12, 2023 7:48 pm
I am married to a wonderful guy, but he does not pay enough attention to me. We got together in college and we have had an amazing life together. But I feel like he could do much more in terms of being emotionally supportive, understanding, empathetic etc. He would rather stare at his phone (on SM) than engage in conversation with me. I don’t nag, I just need him to be present, because it happens all the time. Not sure if I’m the one expecting too much, but that’s pretty much it. We go 50:50 shares expenses and I pay for my own expenses. I feel unloved, so I have brought it up kindly on multiple occasions but yet to see a change. How do I figure this out?
Anonymousasked:
on April 12, 2023 6:56 pm
I have a habit to wait way too long to act on my crushes, by the time I do I’m in too deep.
I also rarely find anyone attractive. I think that’s why I find it intimidating and go way too long without dating. How can I put myself out there for “practice” or to not get so caught up on the guys I do like by remembering that there are more possibilities? How do I shift my mindset to be more abundant?
Anonymousasked:
on April 12, 2023 3:33 pm
I have an unrelated question. I grew up in a religious and loving family, and we uphold the standards of no dating around till considering marriage/ready for a serious relationship. I've branched really well into my interests, hobbies, and career over time. And I've never dated. I didn't really interact much with guys growing up either (I've just never felt the urge to. My female friendships were very fulfilling and I have a really good head on my shoulder lol) I'm starting to feel ready now, but I'm afraid when I do start dating, it's gonna end up badly and I'm gonna lowball it. Do you have a series of posts explaining how to introduce yourself to the dating world? For beginners? Very inexperienced, very new beginners. And what to strengthen in yourself when dealing with typical characteristics + what to possibly expect? Coaching isn't something I want to invest in yet and I wanted to ask if you catered to the demographic I mentioned above (if so, can you link example blogs, and posts ?).
Anonymousasked:
on April 12, 2023 3:31 pm
I have an unrelated question. I grew up in a religious and loving family, and we uphold the standards of no dating around till considering marriage/ready for a serious relationship. I've branched really well into my interests, hobbies, and career over time. And I've never dated. I didn't really interact much with guys growing up either (I've just never felt the urge to. My female friendships were very fulfilling) but I'm starting to feel ready, and I'm afraid when I do start dating, it's gonna end up badly and I'm gonna lowball it. Do you have a series of posts explaining how to introduce yourself to the dating world? For beginners? Very inexperienced, very new beginners. And what to strengthen in yourself when dealing with typical characteristics + what to possibly expect? Coaching isn't something I want to invest in yet and I wanted to ask if you catered to the demographic I mentioned above (if so, can you link example blogs, and posts ?).
Anonymousasked:
on April 12, 2023 3:23 pm
I have an unrelated question. I grew up in a religious and loving family, and we uphold the standards of no dating around till considering marriage/ready for a serious relationship. I've branched really well into my interests, hobbies, and career over time. And I've never dated. I didn't really interact much with guys growing up either (I've just never felt the urge to. My female friendships were very fulfilling) but I'm starting to feel ready, and I'm afraid when I do start dating, it's gonna end up badly and I'm gonna lowball it. Do you have a series of posts explaining how to introduce yourself to the dating world? For beginners? Very inexperienced, very new beginners. And what to strengthen in yourself when dealing with typical characteristics + what to possibly expect? Coaching isn't something I want to invest in yet and I wanted to ask if you catered to the demographic I mentioned above (if so, can you link example blogs, and posts ?).
Anonymousasked:
on April 12, 2023 2:15 pm
Hey Fumi, I watched your video on waiting for men who have character and I completely agree. I wanted your input on a particular scenario. If a man is consistently having hookups (at least once every other week) when he is not in a relationship, is that a sign of a man who lacks character and self respect?
Anonymousasked:
on April 12, 2023 2:14 pm
My boyfriend is struggling with his mental health and in return our relationship is suffering.. should I give him space to regulate his emotions or should I just keep trying to be his happy place as best as I can ?
Anonymousasked:
on April 12, 2023 1:20 pm
Dear Fumi,
I watch your videos all the time, and I’m probably what you would call “lop-sided.” I’m a WoC and due to cultural reasons and background, I spent the majority of my life focusing on academics and career. I’ve had very few serious relationships (age 27, 2 boyfriends, been celibate with exception of one boyfriend). Because my relationships are so few and far between, it takes a lot for me to allow someone into my life, but once I do, I seem to get emotionally invested easily. How do I establish boundaries to prevent myself from getting too attached to men, particularly those that don’t respect me or commit to me the way I need? I’ve tried dating with friendship in mind, but it feels like my last SO becomes my standard to beat because it takes me forever to fall out of love with them/emotionally detach. Any advice on how to be open, but also respect myself and stand on my standards “with ten toes”? Thanks in advance, you’re amazing.
Anonymousasked:
on April 10, 2023 1:50 pm
My ex was mentally abusive yet he never physically abused or even raised voice at me I am scared that the next person i will be with will abuse me hence I keep avoiding every possible man that comes my way how to get over this fear?
Anonymousasked:
on April 9, 2023 5:59 pm
Hi Fumi!
Firstly, it is so refreshing to watch and hear your content, especially as a fellow Christian Black woman. I’ve seen you mention before some of the opposition you receive due to your values (from both men and women) especially as an advocate for women to raise their standards when dating.
As someone who is currently on a spiritual journey and has the same womanist-based values, what is one piece of advice that I can receive to stay true to myself?
Anonymousasked:
on April 8, 2023 2:05 pm
Dear Fumi, do you think there’s any value in dating apps? The nature of my work keeps me pretty isolated from other people, and I’m the kind of person who has a difficult time making friends, let alone meeting potential romantic partners. Sometimes it seems like apps like Tinder and Hinge are the only way I can meet people
Fumireplied:
on April 12, 2023 11:29 am
I can't knock them entirely because some people have enjoyed success using them. However, I recommend that you not rely on it as your primary source of meeting people. This will require you to be really creative with the way you meet people--professional development conferences, through friends, pursuing in person activities and opportunities that relate to your interests--but I feel most people will be better served by this approach.
In many ways, I believe online dating is harder because it is inherently low effort and lends itself to taking people out of context--which makes deception more likely. For this reason, you need to set clear and unwavering standards from the beginning, and be really intentional about holding the men you meet to those standards. You also need to have very strong boundaries, and resist the urge to compromise.
Anonymousasked:
on April 7, 2023 10:00 pm
You’ve mentioned that you’ve dated casually while celibate. How do I say that to a guy? “I’m not looking for anything serious but I am also not looking for hookups”? I want to be taken out—wine, dined, pursued
Fumireplied:
on April 12, 2023 11:32 am
I did not feel the need to explain myself to men I just met. You do not need to ask to be wined, dined, and pursued--you just ignore anyone who is not doing that, and invest your time and energy in the men who will. I also did not feel the need to disclose my boundaries about physical intimacy until the man was a serious contender for a committed relationship--this was usually no earlier than a month after we started dating, sometimes even a few months in. If a man raises the issue earlier, I would simply say that I am not ready. Let go of the idea that you have a duty to explain yourself to strangers, and take the pressure off of yourself to make them understand your journey.
Anonymousasked:
on April 6, 2023 3:29 pm
Fumi, I’ve been watching you for a long time now and you’re videos are the only thing keeping me standing right now. I just broke up with my best friend, my soulmate 2 days before our 1 year anniversary. I’ve always felt like we were not in the same level. I’m 22 and he’s 30 and I felt like he was struggling to be where I wanted him to be. He’s not stable in his life and I just feel so ugly inside to leave him like that even though I’m just following my intuition we had a strong love and connection that I’ve never had before and the last argument we had, was about my standards of a provider because he has always paid for everything but I noticed he stop paying for my things and sometimes even ask me (“as a joke”) If I was going to pay. I felt that that was a red flag so I confronted him about it and said he’ll become the provider I wanted him to be but he’s not stable financially. So I decided to part ways. Now I feel ugly and mad inside because in a way I feel materialistic and selfish
Fumireplied:
on April 12, 2023 11:36 am
Changes like that are red flags, especially if he did not take the time to explain his situation to you before he switched up. As you said, you are following your intuition--so you should trust that. If you let the negative feelings take you back there, you'll only be wasting time and it will be much harder to leave the second time around. I encourage clients to process their emotions on paper in a way that helps to ground their decisions, and I think you would benefit from doing the same.
Anonymousasked:
on April 6, 2023 7:39 am
Dear Fumi,
I have no idea how to happily combine having a demanding corporate job and dating, let alone creating a family. Oftentimes I have neither time nor energy to even go on a date or meet with a friend. But I want to create a family one day. But I also need to be financially secure and it feels like in this economy we can’t provide for ourselves with just casual not-so-demanding jobs anymore.
It’s not that I don’t see any examples of women who are both “girl-bossing” in a corporate world and have a family. It’s just that these women I see are always either rushing somewhere or tired instead of being present, relaxed and feminine.
What do I do?
Anonymousasked:
on April 4, 2023 12:54 pm
So I got approached by a guy today, he was foward, polite and we had a decent conversation, We exchanged socials, and He offered to walk me to class.
I don't know what to do especially since he is a year younger than me. I don't know how to feel about younger guys.
I'm still getting to know him though.
Anonymousasked:
on April 4, 2023 10:24 am
Hey big sis,
What is your advice on holding standards and keeping faith when the statistics aren't in your favour?
For context: I'm a newly qualified lawyer who has just returned home. After close to a decade of navigating singleness, celibacy (bar, a year-long bout of unsuccessful dating and hooking up) and healing, I finally feel grounded and prepared to commit to a relationship leading to marriage. The issue I face is that I live in a small-ish Third World country, and I have always been told that finding a man of the caliber that I pray for is only possible if I move back overseas.
The rationale is that all the well-educated, kind and attractive men from my country have emigrated. The men that I have spoken to, have told me that my achievements are intimidating and that they "don't feel good enough for [me]." I don't feel that I have to change continents to find the right partner; however, the lack of prospects is gradually eroding my hope. Please advise, sis.
I gratefully await your response.
Fumireplied:
on April 12, 2023 11:39 am
There is a lot of what you heard, and what people are saying, but what is your intuition telling you. Every woman has God given intuition, that is never wrong. Before I met my partner, I had insight into how and when I would meet him and so that kept me from running around, exhausting myself through pointless trial and error. I know it is daunting to think that all the men of caliber have fled the country, but tap into your intuition and do as it is telling you. I have a feeling that you know deep down what you ought to do. And if you are led to stay where you are, remind yourself that while there may not be an abundance of options--when it comes to a man to marry, you only need one.
Anonymousasked:
on April 4, 2023 10:23 am
Hey big sis,
What is your advice on holding standards and keeping faith when the statistics aren't in your favour?
For context: I'm a newly qualified lawyer who has just returned home. After close to a decade of navigating singleness, celibacy (bar, a year-long bout of unsuccessful dating and hooking up) and healing, I finally feel grounded and prepared to commit to a relationship leading to marriage. The issue I face is that I live in a small-ish Third World country, and I have always been told that finding a man of the caliber that I pray for is only possible if I move back overseas.
The rationale is that all the well-educated, kind and attractive men from my country have emigrated. The men that I have spoken to, have told me that my achievements are intimidating and that they "don't feel good enough for [me]." I don't feel that I have to change continents to find the right partner; however, the lack of prospects is gradually eroding my hope. Please advise, sis.
I gratefully await your response.
Anonymousasked:
on April 4, 2023 6:05 am
Dear Fumi,
Do you believe it is alright for your partner to go out and have dinner/drinks with a girlfriend?
Anonymousasked:
on April 3, 2023 5:53 pm
Hey, I want to say thank you, first and foremost. I’ve been talking to this guy, and now things are getting more serious. He’s been consistent with his intentions forever while I have been doing my own thing. Now I think both of us are ready to take the next step soon. He’s in school and he has about a year left. He’s always supported me without asking for anything in return. He’s in school for a specific career in stem that starts with a letter E. He’s struggling financially. Would I be crazy for helping him out so he can focus on what’s important. I look at it as he’s someone I’m probably going to be with for a very long time, and it ultimately would better both of us in the long run. I just can’t tell now if I’m being crazy.
Mahareplied:
on April 4, 2023 9:56 pm
Two things:
1. When it comes to lending/giving money, I always say only give it out if you would not mind never getting it back. Do not give past this point.
2. When it comes to how much you want to invest in someone, I also say to ask yourself: would you feel good about your decision to give if the expected outcome for your relationship did not ultimately pan out? For example, if you give this guy money/support him financially, and he decides to be with someone else after the fact, would you feel used or taken advantage of? If so, then do not do it. If you cannot give freely, expecting and requiring nothing in return...then it is best not to give at all.
.
.
.
If you would like one on one time with me to discuss further, please see my coaching options here: https://www.mahamaven.com/product-category/11-coaching-packages/
Anonymousasked:
on March 27, 2023 7:43 pm
Any advice for a 23 yr old who absolutely hates her job and doesn't see a way out? I've had a couple corporate jobs now and I've just hated them. I eventually want to get my masters and go into another field but for now I feel so stuck working 40+ hours a week at a soulless place wasting my life lol
Mahareplied:
on April 4, 2023 9:59 pm
If I were you, I would reach out to make a list of jobs you think would be better suited and reach out to mentors to ask them about your background and the possibility of transitioning. I would also reach out to any alumni, or other people in your network, who are currently stationed in positions of interest to you. Do some informational interviews, and then circle back with your mentors to discuss options.
Be bold, and take risks--you are young enough to do so. Do not fall into the trap of doubling down on something you know that you do not enjoy, simply because you do not know what to do next.
.
.
.
If you would like one on one time with me to discuss further, please see my coaching options here: https://www.mahamaven.com/product-category/11-coaching-packages/
Anonymousasked:
on March 26, 2023 6:10 pm
I went on a date with a guy on Saturday. I asked him. It went well, we had fun and got to know each other a lot, even talked deep and opened up (both sides). The next day we hung out with friends (we’re in the same friendship circle) and he ignored me ALL. DAY. Avoided me. Openly flirted with other girls in front of me. I was gobsmacked. Moving forward I know I don’t want to be his friend anymore and I’m intending to just give him the same energy and ignore him too, but as we hang out so often with our friends I’m wondering what do I do if he brings up the fact I’m ignoring him? Thanks x
Anonymousasked:
on March 24, 2023 6:21 pm
Hi Fumi,
I love your page and the advice you give as it makes me realise my power and control.
I'm 22 and I'm just finding it hard to establish a connection with people that fall between friendship and relationship status and this is really affecting my mood. In my most recent situation, I found myself connecting deeply and romantically with a like-minded person mostly through conversations, sexual encounters, and what I thought was a healthy relationship with loads of communication. We initially agreed that we weren't ready for a relationship and later agreed that we should focus on friendship but following another sexual interaction, I communicated that I needed some distance because the constant on-and-off felt like constant rejection and was beginning to affect my mental health. I thought that this would help preserve any opportunity for a platonic relationship between us but he reacted by blocking me and avoiding me in person.
What do you think of this? What do I do in this situation and how do I avoid it next time?
Mahareplied:
on April 4, 2023 10:13 pm
It is important to set boundaries around varying levels of intimacy and vulnerability, and stick to them throughout--no matter how much you like the guy. It is also important to remember that you are single until you both have a conversation, and expressly agree that you are in an exclusive relationship with a title.
From what you have said, it appears that the sexual encounters may be something that you may want to consider reserving for a committed relationship--the feelings of rejection are likely due to the fact that you, on some level, expected these encounters to move the relationship forward. When they did not, you felt rejected.
As for what to do here, I would say take some time to heal and figure out what you want your boundaries to be. I would definitely recommend cutting your losses with this guy, and moving on to someone else. He has made his intentions clear, and they will not change.
If you would like one on one time with me to discuss further, please see my coaching options here: https://www.mahamaven.com/product-category/11-coaching-packages/
Anonymousasked:
on March 24, 2023 6:10 pm
Dear, Fumi, I’ve been in one past toxic relationship in highschool ( I’m 21 atm ) that I’ve learned a lot from but I often romanize men when dating and create the type of person that I think they are and daydream about all these unrealistic situations and in the end they aren’t who I thought the were because I never payed attention to the red flags and who they actually are . I just realized this fact about my self do you know anyways that could help me stop romanizing men/people?
Another thing that I tend to do with men when they like me or ask me out is I guess you can say put them on a pedestal where I think that they are better than me or out of my league and can’t see why they like me when they could get someone better than me or better looking . I don’t know if I just have low self esteem or what it is but I wanted to know if you have any advice for me .
Anonymousasked:
on March 24, 2023 2:49 pm
I am 23 years old and been into relationships were I lost myself my self worth I always fall for words and instant connection makes my expectations go very high I am a hopeless romantic which makes me feel like I love to deeply and men take me for granted I don’t wanna hope for finding my soulmate anymore but how to remove that hope or be practical enough to raise my standards
Anonymousasked:
on March 24, 2023 2:20 pm
Dear Fumi,
I admire women, like you who always looks put together. Especially because it’s not an easy thing to do! How do you find the motivation to always look your best?
Anonymousasked:
on March 24, 2023 12:40 pm
Dear Funmi,
There’s a guy in my life who seems to really like and pursue me. However, I’m not attracted to him (and by attraction, I don’t only mean physically. He just doesn’t inspire any form of like beyond friendship from me. I feel “meh” about him). I’m worried I’ll shortchange myself by giving him space because we like people who like us. I want to hold off and meet other people and strive for a relationship where we are both passionate about each other. I also feel it’s probably immature not to let love “grow”. Please, what do you think? Do I settle for someone who seems crazy about me and will treat me well, or wait?
Thank you
Anonymousasked:
on March 24, 2023 11:04 am
Hi i am 22 years old. I was 19 when i was in a relationship that cost me a lot eversince then i met men who were not as great too. I realized when i watched your content, that the problem was me allowing all of this to happen.. I am wounded and shattered, left to pick up the pieces to restore myself. I want to get married in the near future but everytime i think of the pain i was in and currently in. I don't know if its pain or fear but i avoid any relationships with men
I want to work on it to establish relationship with myself and people... But i don't know how to completely heal and forget the past
What advice would you give to a 22 year old who believes love belongs to the few fortunate
Anonymousasked:
on March 24, 2023 7:41 am
Been together for 8 years. Hes amazing and treats me great. Always makes me a priority and hes commited to me. Im nearly 30 and hes 28, I want to get engaged now, he wants to get married too but maybe getting engaged already is a little too soon for him since hes younger.. i have pressured him (i told him i want to get engaged soon) and it seems hes planning on it but now i feel bad for nagging him and not waiting for him to do it on his own. Help please
Anonymousasked:
on March 24, 2023 5:39 am
I’m noticing a lot of men turning against women for women wanting a man who is a provider. I feel like living in a capitalistic society the pressure is on everyone to obsess over money. Do you think there is a way to support men here but also still be taken care of? How should women be treated? Do we split 50/50?
Anonymousasked:
on March 24, 2023 12:42 am
Firstly, I love you! Secondly, please may you touch on singleness more. Thank you for the reminders to be honest about our desire for romantic love, but what else can us single ladies do to enjoy instead of be so despondent during this era. For me personally, I've just never really had a serious relationship, how do I enjoy my life and not get so caught up in the "I'll never find love, just like I've never truly had an amazing romantic love experience." The girl is really struggling Fumz, please share whatever you think might help me get out of this funk, and continue to not settle, but to do so joyfully.
Anonymousasked:
on March 24, 2023 12:26 am
How do I stop taking a long time to get over relationships that did not serve me? How can I turn those emotions off? I feel like it always takes me way longer than the average person to get over painful breakups and even longer to move on. Hard to embrace the abundance mindset when your feelings are like “yeah there are plenty of fish in the sea, but I really want that one fish”
Anonymousasked:
on March 23, 2023 10:24 pm
Dear Funmi,
This is not a question, and I hope I don’t waste your time, seeing as you definitely receive these a lot. I just want to say that I am so thankful I stumbled upon your page. I didn’t believe that the fulfilment of another’s calling could hinge upon the fulfillment of ours until I met you. I can say that I will become what I need to be because of you, among other influences. Hearing and witnessing you gave me the courage to walk away from a relationship and other situations that did not serve me. Thank you so much for your impact, and God bless you!
Mahareplied:
on April 4, 2023 10:15 pm
You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you <3
Anonymousasked:
on March 23, 2023 9:17 pm
Why do men always try to invalidate your relationship or make you try to defend your relationship to them?
Example: Said I had to get my oil changed after work and he chimes in “ohhh your husband doesn’t do that for you????”
Like, I refuse to defend my relationship to a coworker.
Anonymousasked:
on March 23, 2023 8:59 pm
What are your thoughts on going through your boyfriend's phone even if you don’t have reason to believe he’s cheating? I’ve seen women say they saw 0 red flags for years then went through the phone and he was cheating the whole time.
Anonymousasked:
on March 23, 2023 8:42 pm
Love your work! What are your top 5 favourite books?
Mahareplied:
on April 4, 2023 10:17 pm
This is a really hard one, and it will probably change depending on when you ask but...
The Bible,
The Courage to be Disliked,
Americanah,
Outliers,
Big Magic,
Anonymousasked:
on March 23, 2023 8:36 pm
What to do if the guy your dating is a HVM but he isn’t very attractive ? He is a skinny guy . should I mention it so he can change something about it or would it be offensive to him?
Anonymousasked:
on March 23, 2023 8:08 pm
Where to find your future husband? I feel like all I find on dating apps are mean men!
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