Dear Fumi | by fumi

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Answers So Far..

Someone asked:

on June 29, 2024 4:04 pm

Hi, I wanted to ask your opinion on a dating situation I had recently since I agree with and like a lot of your content. I posted in another black women uncensored group and they were basically saying I’m the problem and should be grateful he asked me out somewhere and not to his house. I admit I could’ve communicated a bit better and let me expectations be more known but do you think i was completely in the wrong for wanting concrete plans? I have screenshots you can read with this. Not sure how to attach them.
Someone asked:

on April 24, 2024 12:02 pm

Fumi. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. For the first 6 weeks, I was seeing another man that he had no idea about. 1 yr later when we moved in together, he come to find out after us bumping into him and I spun a web of lies to downplay the situation. There have been 3-4 other occasions I have lied to him about other things, but we decided to carry on building. I completely destroyed his trust and ‘spark’ – which I have been working on getting back. 12 months after this happened, he feels resentful for forgiving me and I’m not fulfilled with the dynamic. I am the chaser/golden retriever, he’s the black cat. He is a very masculine, protector and provider but the spark/feeling of being in love has disappeared. How can we work on changing this dynamic? Is it possible for us to ever work past this & him fall in love with me again?
Someone asked:

on April 2, 2024 9:00 pm

Dear Fumi, I’m a huge fan of your content and just recently enrolled in your course. I’ve been really enjoying the self-development approach to the course and am excited to continue working through it. My question for you today is: what are your thoughts on cohabitation? I recently had a friend ask for my advice on whether or not she should move in with her partner of 4 months. She says she wants to do it because they hang out daily and are “basically already living together” (her words). I’ve personally never lived with a partner before and my preference would be to wait until marriage. I’m not even religious–I just need that level of commitment before building a home/life with someone. Ultimately, my friend wanted to hear that she was doing the right thing and wasn’t super interested in learning about the effects of sliding into cohabitation. We’re also still pretty young (early to mid twenties) so I’m cautious about not rushing certain relationship milestones just to say I’ve reached them. I haven’t seen much discussion surrounding this topic so I’m curious to know your thoughts on cohabitation and how it affects the course of a relationship. Thank you for taking the time to read this question! 🙂 A 20 Something Who Doesn’t Want To Rush
Someone asked:

on March 27, 2024 8:31 pm

Hi Fumi, I recently started talking to this man, he has been giving me a good amount of his time and plans things out for us. I am extremely cautious with men and people in general these days, but I have grown feelings for him. We did have sex once and in reading something recently about “situationships” and how men will keep you around if they’re getting everything with no commitment, would it be stupid of me to now tell him I’d like to hold off on the intimacy for now until I know he’s taking me seriously. Or would that make me look silly. Basically is there no going back from that? I look forward to hopefully hearing back from you.
Someone asked:

on March 21, 2024 3:46 pm

Hi Fumi I am a follower and love listening to you the thing is I want to start my own channel in the niche of relationships… May I know if it is profitable and can one quit their 9-5 job doing so with the number of followers you have…. My aim is to help people with my digital products on relationships and how to better one self and spot the red flags in oneself and others as well as I wwant to give one on one advice as well and charge people for the help I give them…. Does this work and is it profitable…
Someone asked:

on March 21, 2024 3:44 pm

Hi Fumi I am a follower and love listening to you the thing is I want to start my own channel in the niche of relationships… May I know if it is profitable and can one quit their 9-5 job doing so with the number of followers you have…. My aim is to help people with my digital products on relationships and how to better one self and spot the red flags in oneself and others as well as I wwant to give one on one advice as well and charge people for the help I give them…. Does this work and is it profitable…
Someone asked:

on March 20, 2024 12:36 pm

Dear Fumi, what are some tips to be a well spoken woman? To speak elegantly and with intention?
Someone asked:

on March 8, 2024 2:17 pm

Dear Fumi When I hear people talk about trusting your own judgment of yourself and knowing yourself so well that you’d deflect outside opinions about who you are, something always comes to my mind. How can I be validated in who I am without being all up in my head. I see it time and time again online when someone is acting seriously wrong and people are trying to point that out but they’re so convinced that they can do no wrong. And I’m talking about some serious ill stuff and not just a matter of controversial opinion. I’ve never been a person to really comment on someone’s behavior online or care much but social media works that way and you end up finding out about other people’s business, but I think it’s applicable in real life too. And I don’t want to unintentionally be one of those people. I’m 23 and still figuring myself out so that might be a factor but the idea always come up and it’s a conflict between my two minds. My question is how can I really develop a strong unshakable self esteem with that thought nagging me all the time? With love, Ri.
Someone asked:

on February 26, 2024 4:30 am

Hello fumi. Despite having boundries and standards, do i really have to be a bitch in order to get and keep a man?
Someone asked:

on February 22, 2024 8:17 pm

In 2020, my (now ex) BFF (36f), had a 10-month affair with my (now ex) husband (44m, attorney, 18 yrs together). She will graduate law school this year, sit for the AZ Bar, and make more money as a corporate lawyer than I now probably ever will. I fault her most for monopolizing my husband’s attention to help her study for the LSAT when I needed his support and encouragement as I had recently started a new six-figure New Home Sales career. I lost the new job from the stress of the affair, and was too traumatized to go back. So, the question is: should I file a complaint against her to the AZ Comittee on Character & Fitness about the affair? I have a few witnesses but not much (legally admissable) evidence. Would it affect her ability to pass the Bar? Will they even care? Or should I just let it go and live my life hoping she gets hers one day? Thanks for your perspective!