Hey Fumi! Thank you for setting this up, it’s nice to have an opportunity to receive your advice. My question is: How do I know if I actually want a serious, long term committed relationship? How do I know if I actually want romantic love? Some background details: I’m in my early 20s and I come from a broken home. I didn’t really grow up with a man around to be “the blueprint” for what I should want out of a relationship, and I didn’t grow up with healthy ones being modeled around me. It took me years to unlearn and undo all the damage and it’s still a work in progress. Though I have been a hopeless romantic for a majority of my life, I’ve only really liked 2 people and I never got into a relationship. I’ve always found it basically impossible to develop any romantic feelings towards anyone.. but I’ve always wanted to experience that love. But that was until about 2 years ago, when I suddenly stopped having any desire for any romance. I did have phases like this one before, when I would not want a relationship, but those were out of wounded pride and they were never this long. I just don’t feel like getting paired with someone anymore. The idea feels icky and exhausting to me. It feels restrictive and like it will require way too much patience and energy than I can bother with. I think it will be very uncomfortable being that close to someone, even if I do set boundaries. I’m very protective of my space that I think my boundaries might not even be sustainable in a healthy partnership and that if I do decide to loosen them up or forgo them, whoever I’ll be in a partnership dynamic won’t be me. I simply cannot think of myself as someone who would pair with someone else. It feels like being in a partnership goes against everything that I am. Interestingly, the only kind of people that I find myself able to like at all always happen to be fictional. Every time, without fail. So as you can see, I’m conflicted. On one hand, it’s a relief to not worry about being single, but on the other hand it’s scary to think about. I do have beautiful, fulfilling friendships but of course at the end of the day they all will get paired up and I’ll be left alone and left behind. Of course, I don’t want to be in a relationship just to fit in. It just breaks my heart that I didn’t only miss out on parental and familial love, but that I might not even be built for romantic love. Now platonic love is great and all, but it isn’t the kind of love that will prioritize you a majority of the time like parental/romantic love.. and it hurts to see my friends pair up and have their priorities shift to accommodate their relationships, meaning I’ll kinda fall down their priorities’ list, while they’ll be taking up the same space they’re taking in my priorities list because I have nothing else to put in there. Yes, I do love and take care of myself. I am invested and involved in my work, I have my pets, a lot of hobbies and interests, I love my life, but you know it’s not the same and it won’t make those thoughts and fears go away. At least not completely. I just like the idea of love and of enchanting someone and living that romantic experience, but I can’t see myself taking things farther into the serious zones.. and so it would be pointless, unfair and a waste of time to whoever I will engage with in romance, because of course almost everyone that goes through that door wants one or more of those results. Now lately I am starting to ruminate over this more often since my friends have been pairing up and getting into relationships/getting married and I’m over here unsure about if I even have that desire anymore. Part of me hopes that these aren’t my actual default settings and that I do actually desire romance, but that part is mainly because I’m afraid of being left behind. So, repeating my question: how do I know I want this love thing? What do I ask myself?? Thanks.

What are your go to places for meeting friends and potential suitors in a new city?

Hi, Fumi! ❤️ A guy I met on a dating site told me he’s falling in like with me (after calling me amazing and asking me how could I possibly be single?). And honestly, I’m falling in like with him too. So, questions : 1. He just got out of a 12 YEAR relationship so he said he’s being cautious and wants to take this slow. I can already tell I want to have a serious, monogamous, long term relationship with him and his abundance of green flags. How do I make him subconsciously want to change his mind and shift into serious courting mode? 2. He’s only in my country for a few months for a project before he’s sent to another country. He’s already a little panicking about the prospect of leaving me. Curious as to how you’d navigate these waters. 3. We follow different religions and unless one of us converts, marriage is impossible. This one stumps me the most. He’s the best man I’ve ever met and I feel like there are mountains between us. Please help me? P.S, I’m 35 and he’s 41.

A guy I met on a dating site told me he’s falling in like with me (after calling me amazing and asking me how could I possibly be single?). And honestly, I’m falling in like with him too. So, questions : 1. He just got out of a 12 YEAR relationship so he said he’s being cautious and wants to take this slow. I can already tell I want to have a serious, monogamous, long term relationship with him and his abundance of green flags. How do I make him subconsciously want to change his mind? 2. He’s only in my country for a few months for a project before he’s sent to another country. He’s already a little panicking about the prospect of leaving me. Curious how you’d navigate these waters. 3. We follow different religions and unless one of us converts, marriage is impossible. He’s the best man I’ve ever met and I feel like there are mountains between us. Please help me? P.S, I’m 35 and he’s 41.

Hello Fumi! I have worked my entire life due to my parents making me pay for many things when I was younger. Coupled with this I have always been athletic, and very driven to pursue a major in college that is very competitive. I have often found many of the men I am interested in being insecure of my accomplishments and it can be hard to tap into my feminine due to the responsibilities I have. Are you dating anyone and how can I find a guy that does not feel intimidated by my accomplishments? Asking you because I know you have many accomplishments.