Dear Fumi | by fumi

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Answers So Far..

Someone asked:

on May 12, 2023 1:44 am

I proposed one of my long time friend 1 year ago also stating why I like him. He rejects me then I with a heavy heart move on but stay friends with him because he said he didn’t want to lose me as a friend. After 1 and half years he comes and asks if I am still into him. I got a weird feeling and wanted to say no but my inner feelings towards him made me say yes. Now he doesn’t want any relationship because he wants to focus on the career. Although we became physical.
Someone asked:

on May 10, 2023 7:45 pm

Hi Fumi! I was talking to my now boyfriend for 2-3 months before we became official. I had told him that I wanted to wait that long because I didn’t want to rush into the relationship before getting to know him. We’ve now been officially together for 7 months. When we first started dating I wasn’t living a very good lifestyle, matter of fact when we first met I just wanted to sleep with him. Since then I have started going to church and my whole lifestyle has changed. I don’t party, hangout with the same people, I go to church and make it a priority to read my bible. He enjoys going to church with me and is supportive of it. Right now he is in training for his work across the country, he won’t be done until December and will only be able to come back for weekends and a 2 week leave in the middle. Since I’ve e been going to church again I wanted to be celibate because I felt a conviction about it, I talked to him about it and he was very supportive. The issue that has troubled me is I feel like I’m the leader in the relationship. When he met my parents it was because I brought it up, when I met his parents was because I asked why I hadn’t when he had already met mine, we went to church because I was going. I don’t want to be the leader, I want a man of god who I respect to lead our family in the future. Because I didn’t require that from him from the start do you think at this point he’ll be able to do it on his own? I have been following you for a while and love your content! I think it’s amazing you’re helping young women achieve healthy relationship
Someone asked:

on May 10, 2023 3:50 pm

Hi Fumi! No questions, I just wanted to say thank you. I’ve been following your advice for awhile and now I’m seeing someone who has consistently put in effort and been emotionally vulnerable with me. He’s very sweet and tries to spoil me which I’m grateful for and I wouldn’t have met him had I not heeded your advice. So thank you.
Someone asked:

on May 9, 2023 1:09 am

Hey Fumi! I’ve been seeing someone for about 3 months now. Nothing official, just casual dating although we’ve started having conversations about getting serious. Recently discovered that he’s been in a situationship which is long dead since I came into the picture, but they haven’t had the conversation yet. He says he’s sure he wants to be with me, and he can only do that when he’s had the final conversation about the situationship ending. What steps to take?
Someone asked:

on May 9, 2023 1:08 am

Hey Fumi! I’ve been seeing someone for about 3 months now. Nothing official, just casual dating although, we’ve started having conversations about getting serious. Recently discovered that he’s been in a situationship which is long dead since I came into the picture, but they haven’t had the conversation yet. He says he’s sure he wants to be with me, and he can only do that when he’s had the final conversation about the situationship ending. What steps to take?
Someone asked:

on May 9, 2023 1:08 am

Hey Fumi! I’ve been seeing someone for about 3 months now. Nothing official, just casual dating although, we’ve started having conversations about getting serious. Recently discovered that he’s been in a situationship which is long dead since I came into the picture, but they haven’t had the conversation yet. He says he’s sure he wants to be with me, and he can only do that when he’s had the final conversation about the situationship ending. What steps to take?
Someone asked:

on May 8, 2023 11:24 pm

Hey Fumi! I’ve just come out of a long term relationship , I was suffering emotionally but it took me 3 years to get out. I now notice that I feel the need to have someone in order to feel complete. I know I’m a good looking girl, so yes I tend to get quite a bit of attention here and there and using that attention to find fulfillment within myself and in day to day life . I’ve been in relationships since middle school, motivation not being anything sexual (celibate) but just to feel complete. I know realize it’s low self esteem that has been manifesting my need to have someone and downplayed over the years. How do I heal and grow from this? What steps should I take? Thank you❤️
Someone asked:

on May 8, 2023 10:21 pm

How do you forgive someone toxic and abusive? How do you start to love yourself? Would you rekindle a “friendship” that triggers you?
Someone asked:

on May 8, 2023 10:19 pm

My husband has a porn addiction that I found out about 6 months after we got married. He’s had it for decades and after some fights I finally confronted him in a calm way. He was more responsive to that approach and deleted all his subscriptions to sites. It took 9 months for him to do this. He admits to still watching porn but he says “I’m improving”. He won’t tell me how much and won’t communicate it with me. He’s been treating me better and I believe he’s improving but idk to what degree. Sometimes I feel like I should leave him but sometimes I feel like I should be patient and work with him since he’s had this problem far before me. We’ve been together 7 years. Married one. He doesn’t want to go to therapy out of shame and fear it will destroy his reputation. He won’t install adult site blockers. I’m not sure what to do. We’ve had a great sex life until a year (ish) ago due to us both having busy schedules where I leave town a lot and added stress. I attempted to have sex but he’s been so busy w work (legitimately). What do I do about our marriage?
Someone asked:

on May 8, 2023 5:49 pm

Hey, feeling really terrible, I don’t believe in cheating, it’s against my principles as a person, however, I visited a friend of mine and got into a compromised situation, he offered to eat me out, and I declined, but then I could tell and he too that I actually thought about it, not wanting to do it, but I thought about the offer, it was a weird and really awkward and inappropriate encounter, there was a massage before, I am in a relationship, on third year and nine months when this happened, I didn’t think much of it then, told my boyfriend about it, but i feel like I’m not trust worthy as a result of even being in that situation, and I generally feel like a cheater and it has me feeling like I failed myself because cheating is shitty. I don’t know the question to ask yet, but I am really struggling with that thought and the part of my standards being breached or broken and I’m having a hard time moving on or even reconciling between those parts of me. There’s shame too, coming up, feeling of unworthiness when the subject comes up anywhere even on social, cheating. What do I do?