Dear Fumi! I want to begin by saying I enjoy watching your content! I am a 25 year old Hispanic woman currently resetting myself, finishing my bachelors and working full-time at a luxury dealership in the interim. I have been in a relationship for two years with this great man, he is 27 years old (white) and we met at my previous job. However, my bf struggled with a rough childhood where he had to take care of his family due to an absent father and also help around with the finances (lives with mother and two younger sisters). The issue with that is that he had to give 10k away to his Father and his father never paid him back and he is not making enough money at his job plus his mother is head of household and is also struggling financially. However, the issue is is that he has been projecting those fears and frustrations on me with remarks about how my mother and aunt work part-time while their husbands work full-time and that he doesn’t want to be with a partner that works part-time at a luxury dealership and taken care of financially. A little context behind, this hurt me deeply because that was not my life story and that is not what I am working for. I grew up with a single mother who worked her butt off to keep me happy and supply everything I needed. Luckily, she re married a wonderful man that wants to take care of her. On the other hand, I am finishing school later in life due to having to take off time to work to help pay bills and dealing with an abusive relationship that held me back. My partner apologized to me and regretted the things he said to me with the excuse that he is getting deeper in the relationship with me the which he had questions and is considering me a life-partner. Moreover, I am having second thoughts and feeling like I am carrying his cross. I am financially not where I want to be and I am actively working on my future endeavors. Finishing my bachelors degree in business school has motivated but I have been feeling devalued as a person and a woman for not making enough money at my age and feeling compared to his friend group. I love this man to pieces because he has done amazing things for me but his situation at home and mindset have me second guessing and I do not wish to deal with his burden or feel like I am not enough for not making enough money or not having for a house downpayment. I would appreciate some advice, I feel like I have this enormous pressure and self-doubt. Thank you and God bless!

Dear Fumi I am a 31 year old woman who feels a bit out of balance with dating in the modern world. My personal way of dating is simple: one person at the time and 1) if I do not believe that the person is right for me – i end it 2) if I believe that they are right – I continue. However, it is somehow difficult for me, emotionally, to date someone I like, who I know continues to date others. I personally do not put a label on anything untill I am comfortable and that feels right, and that takes a while.. I want to be friends with the person first and truely get to know them which I believe can easily take 6+ months ..but I also do know instantly if this is someone I feel attraction towards and If want to invest time getting to know them, and then it is hard knowing that the other person still wants to explore their options and keep seeing other women. I once dated a guy who did made it clear after our first date, that he did not want to date others, as he wanted to get to know me and wanted that as his focus – I felt the same and that was honestly the best relationship I have ever had. I do feel my way of approaching love is respectful and allows a foundation to be build on what I see as true partnership. But I also see it does not really work with the dating scene and I somehow get sad. I keep telling myself I am not searching for a man, but my man, and that single man will have same values and mindset as me.. but perhaps I am approaching it wrong and as I respect you alot, I would like to hear your thoughts. Much much muuuch love from me

Dear Fumi, I’m with my boyfriend nearly since a whole year. He likes the traditional ways what I don’t mind as my parents are very strict and conservative. In the beginning he brought me every time flowers and paid everything when we were out now he only some and then pays or brings me flowers. He often makes promises that he will buy me for this occasion sth (e.g. sneakers) yet the promises remained empty. He gets angry real quick when things don’t go his way when it’s about going on vacation with my friends or partying or just cutting my long hair. I guess it partly comes from him being one of the BIGGEST overthinkers I know. He’s 4 years older than me and wants to marry me as soon as possible and he’s ready to wait for me until I finish my university. He’s a good guy we talk nearly all the time but there are little things that bother me. Especially since I know that I have options. Sometimes I think about ending it but then again i feel silly and I’m not sure if I really want to end it or I’m maybe just bored. It’s my first relationship and I love him I just don’t know wether he is the right one for me. I want to marry only once and I made a deadline to be in a relationship for max a year and then I have to decide wether he is the one or not since I don’t want to waste my time. Do I fix the things that bother me, do I just accept it and act like it’s no big deal or do I end it? And how? I dont want to mess it up so I’m thankful for any advice you have.

Dear Fumi, First, I want to thank you for the content you post. It’s guided me in many aspects of life. An ex has recently reconnected with me. Our relationship ended on a sour note, and he has truly apologized and asked for forgiveness. As we have reconnected, I have seen him mature in his behavior, values, and outlook on life. He has the type of values I truly respect in a man. However, navigating this reconnection feels a little awkward. Can you please offer advise on how I should proceed in this relationship? How do I ask the tough questions I need for us to grow while also respecting the fact that we are both different people since we last dated. Any and all advice would be helpful. Thank you so much.

Hi Fumi, I met this guy online, we had amazing chemistry straight away. He told me after a week he lived in another country but set his location to mine because of the language barrier where he is. We met in person and while I didn’t have huge physical attraction to him, he came across like the most honest, emotionally intelligent and reliable man. He told his family about me, his friends. Said he couldn’t wait for me to meet them. And he made a lot of romantic gestures, flew me to go on holiday with him. He spoke about the prospect of getting married, where we would live etc. then on holiday he slowly started acting a little more distant over a matter of days – he was still making future plans, being intimate with me but just a bit off. Then when we arrived to our respective home countries, he said to me he has been feeling torn because he had “never had a connection like this with any woman” it will be “very hard to me to find someone like me” but the distance between us is too much and because my medical training means I can’t relocate for the next 5 years, it’s not practical…. But he already knew that? This was SO out of the blue, I was caught so off guard. I asked for a phone call to better understand but he said it was “too painful” to talk on the phone and he didn’t pick up, only texted me long messages saying sorry and that he was upset about the situation. How can anyone change so rapidly in just 4-5 days after months of being crazy for you? Is it possible he was faking all along? It’s made me feel like there’s something wrong with me and he back tracked for a different reason he won’t tell me, because you would travel anywhere for your dream woman, right?